Pukes

Pukes is the nickname for tourists in Alaska, which I always thought sounded a bit harsh, although funny. They are our livelihood after all. At any rate, it is the time of year when I am ready to have a break from dealing with their idiocy. I came to realize on my recent cruise ship vacation that living down here has really helped me understand the unwritten rules in Caribbean travel. Fortunately I was able to avoid the usual faux pas (not covering swimwear in public, not saying a greeting before asking questions like 'where's the bathroom?', walking in the middle of the road, etc.). But I've had two recent experiences with moron tourists who definitely earned the term pukes that I felt were worth writing about.

The other night at the Westin I had a guy come up to me and say "I've been at the beach all day, and I get back to my villa, and my room key doesn't work! Do you understand how awful this is??"

I was having a hard time figuring out if he was joking or not, so I say I'm sorry and direct him to the lobby front desk where he can get it fixed, but the guy is not shutting up. The more he says the more I can't figure out if he is joking or not. "Do you understand that I've been at the beach ALL DAY, and my room key doesn't work??!! This is traumatic. This is INCREDIBLY traumatizing! This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life!" Me sitting and nodding and trying to decide whether or not to laugh. I felt like saying, "Well, you must have an amazing life if this is the worst you've ever dealt with." I'm glad I didn't laugh, because I'm pretty sure he was very serious, but come on now! People live in such weird realities.


The other situation came from a man who obviously knew little to nothing about the world outside his suburb in Middle America. He asked me why there were so many Jamaicans here. Do you see where this is going? At first I didn't get it. I said I really didn't know any Jamaicans...maybe one. How did he manage to meet so many Jamaicans? He says, "They're everywhere! You know? The black people?" Oh. I began to get afraid that this was what he was thinking. WHAT AN IDIOT!!! How is he not aware that the Caribbean, ANY Caribbean island, is mainly inhabited with people of African descent? They're all from Jamaica? That was definitely the dumbest thing I may have ever heard...maybe worse than people asking how the islands don't bump into each other while they're floating around or any of a gazillion other stupid puke questions. I think I gave him a brief history on the West Indian culture, but pretty much decided that beyond that I could not speak with him any more.

These are the days of my life.